Ah, the mind of a child!

Today, Chloe asked if we could go to Toys 'R' Us and I told her no, since we went three times over the weekend. (<--It's a long story about the excessive trips we took there over the last couple of days) She says, "Let's go four times!" in which I replied, "Um...no."

She continues to try and convince me that we should take a journey to Geoffrey's Land of Toys, and I try to change the subject.

Me: Chloe, we don't have any money right now.
Chloe (indignantly): Yes, we do!!
Me: Really? You do? I don't....
C: Sure, you do. You can get some.
Me: Oh yeah?...from where?
C: The money store. We can go to the money store and buy some money.
Me (blank stare): uh.......

I think someone has the wrong idea of how ATM's actually work. But wouldn't that be awesome if there truly were such places as "money stores"? :o)

Random Chloe quotes

It's been quite a while since I have posted on this blog and believe me, it's not from lack of material...oh no--I'm bombarded by golden Chloe-isms on a daily basis. Unfortunately, it's been from lack of time. So, in order to keep our faithful readers satiated, I've decided to list some wonderfully wise gems that Chloe has uttered recently.
Here are a few examples of one of Chloe's favorite formulas for starting conversations: The "Look at me, I'm (insert random noun here)."

~Chloe puts a brush in her pants pocket and demands, "Look at me. I'm a cowboy."
Me: "Why?"
Chloe: "Because I have a brush in my pocket."

~Chloe is feeling goofy and begins to spin around, dancing happily. "Look at me! I'm like a plum!"

~After rubbing lotion on her arms and legs one day, Chloe runs to me and says, "Oooh, look at me! I feel like a submarine!"

~With a fierce looking glare, she looks at me and says, "I'm Batman!....you're Robin."
Me: "So, if you're Batman and I'm Robin, does that mean Daddy is the Joker?"
"No," she replies seriously. "He's Catwoman."

Despite her lunacy and her occasional gender confusion, she will say something in such a deadpan manner, I can't help myself from cracking up.
One day, I was preparing a bottle for her little brother while she was enjoying "Sesame Street." He was wailing at the top of his lungs from hunger, so I implored her to entertain him while I finished making his food.
"Chloe, " I pleaded, "will you take care of Charlie for me so I can get him some formula?"
Without taking her gaze off the glow of the television, she told me, "I can't. I don't have my medical kit with me....it's in my room."
I just stopped what I was doing and looked at her. I didn't realize Charlie's plight was due to a medical condition. I just thought he could a little sisterly distraction for a couple of minutes. Boy, what was I thinking? :O)

There have been countless other odd quips that Chloe has said in the past couple of months. Her thoughts can be sometimes hilarious, sometimes profound or sometimes, they can make you go, "awww....kiddo.."
One day last week, I was getting ready for work while the baby was sleeping. Even before Chloe can remember, my husband works first shift and I work second shift, so we can keep the kids out of daycare. She knows this.
So, while I'm styling my hair, she begins the conversation.
Chloe: "Where's Daddy?"
Me (smiling): "You know where he is."
C: "At work."
Me: "Yep. He'll be home in about an hour."
C: "What're YOU doing, Mommy?"
Me: "Getting ready for work..."
C (adamantly): "YOU can't go to work!!!"
Me (giggling): "Why not?"
C (sadly): "If you leave for work, me and Charlie will be alone."
When she said that, it just made me feel sad. I reassured her that I would never leave her and her brother alone, and that I only go to work after Daddy gets home. I guess I just get a bit startled by the fact that she seems so in-tuned with her emotions. It throws me for a loop some days.

Well, I'm going to try to leave this post on a silly note. I forgot to mention in the earlier post back in July (regarding her medical kit) about the crazy things she "finds" inside people's ears when she examines them with her otoscope. During a typical Dr. Chloe ear exam, the usual conversation goes something like this:
"Let's see what's in this ear.......*GASP!*"
Patient: "What is it, Doctor?"
Dr. C: "Ooooh....ladybugs...Let's look in this one..." (changing from one ear to the other) ".....*GASP!*"
Patient: "What? Is it bad?"
Dr C: "Hmmmm......spiiiderrss..."

Dr. Chloe doesn't just find earwax in her patients' ears. Some of the wacky items she has "discovered" include ladybugs, spiders, junebugs, Spongebob (and his friends), quarters, and probably the strangest of all, homes. There's nothing more frightening than to have your ear doctor look in your ear and say, "Oooooh....homes..." After all, I doubt they make medication for such a malady.

At least she has a wonderful bedside manner...

Some people have the privilege of having credentials at the end of their name, i.e. "Bill S. Preston, Esq.", or "Trapper John, M.D." Chloe took that one step further. She decided to forgo all letters in exchange for full words. So if you ask her what her name is, it'll more than likely be a jumbled mouthful like, "Chloe Grace Wombacher, Doctor Princess Steve Elwood Willy Wonka Veruca Salt Sissy Widget Wubbzy Steak 'n Shake."

This all started when she got her medical kit at Christmastime. She loves pretending to be a doctor. If we have guests in our home, they will undoubtedly discover that doctors do indeed still make house calls. She'll pull out her stethoscope, sphygmomanometer, otoscope, thermometer and band aid and give everyone a free, unwanted exam. The problem is I think my daughter is a quack. I'm unsure where she acquired her medical degree or if it's even legitimate.

Her typical exams are as follows: Dr. Chloe will jam the thermometer down her patient' s throat, glance at the temperature and with a scowl and deeply concerned voice, she'll say, "OH!.. You're SICK!" If the patient inquires about their health, her answer will be, "You're twenty minutes!" This may confuse her patients into believing that they may only have twenty minutes to live. Adding to their confusion is when "Dr." Chloe has combined her medical instruments with her tool set, which gives her the ability to become a Civil War era physician. Ya got gangrene of the foot? No problem! The good doctor will haphazardly take it off with her saw. With her trusty tape measure, she'll measure your face or hand, and say, "Hmm...you're four hours." This might drive her patient absolutely bonkers, especially after the doctor takes their blood pressure with her sphygmomanometer and tells them, "Yep...you're thirty inches."

Although my daughter is only five months shy of her fourth birthday, and she does display a passion for medicine, I don't think we'll have another Doogie Houser on our hands anytime soon. But who knows what the future holds? All I can say is if you're looking for a doctor, even though you can't beat the price or her enthusiasm, at this moment, I wouldn't recommend seeing Dr. Chloe. After all, who wants to be diagnosed with "twenty minutes"?

Kids Say the Darndest Things

My daughter Chloe has become my inspiration for this blog. She is currently 3½ years old, and some of the things that come out of her mouth just absolutely crack me up. Being that she is my first child, I really don't have anyone to compare her to in order to figure out if she's like every other kid her age, or if she's just naturally insanely funny. So, I thought in case it is the latter, then I should share her ramblings with the rest of the world, just like the phenomenon Sh*t my Dad Says by Justin Halpern. (hopefully with less vulgar language) :O)

It's difficult to say how often this blog will be updated. After all, Chloe doesn't perform on demand and rarely grants requests from her audience. My muse will say the darndest things at any given moment. Perhaps that's the beauty of it. So feel free to check us out whenever the mood strikes, because you never know what comedy gold will come out the mouth of Chloe.